Perceptions and Expectations

CHAPTER 7: ATTACK THE ISSUE, NOT THE PERSON

People can be obnoxious, but that’s no excuse to lower yourself down to their level where they may “know the rules” better than you.

You need to avoid personal conflicts. One should never attack the person. Let’s say you’re in a meeting and had just put forward a proposal that you felt was sound and beneficial. Then someone in the meeting retorts that your proposal was ridiculous. What’s your first reaction? You want to defend yourself, right? If the same person said, “I have some questions on your proposal I would like to discuss, as I have a different perspective,” what would be your reaction then? Most likely you would say, “Okay, what are they? Let’s hear your thoughts and we can review them to see if they have merit,” or something to that effect.

When you say something derogatory to a person—attacking the person—anyone would feel compelled to defend him or herself. They are forced to focus on saving face or proving he or she is right, and the accuser is wrong regardless of what makes sense or what is best for the company. You also put yourself in a very negative light and don’t come across as professional.

You may have also created an enemy or an opposition, and that can have disastrous consequences later in your career, especially if the person becomes a manager—or worse, your boss. Then how good would it feel to have called that idea ridiculous?

Always try to keep things professional. Sometimes people have different information or have different priorities that make what you want to do not as important as you think. It’s always best to keep an open mind—do not take things personally—and try to understand what the real issue is. Often, there is an underlying issue they’re trying to address, but they don’t know it themselves. You end up with a future ally and a professional reputation; and maybe you took a difficult issue and found an easy common ground that all can live with.

Try to keep your emotions in check and give the person the benefit of the doubt. I know we are all human and sometimes you just want to reach across the table and use your light saber (oh, how many times . . .) to make your point, but shut it off and put it back in its holster. Let the person show everyone that he or she is the one acting unprofessionally, the one being rude and inconsiderate.

In meetings, try first to understand what others want to do (and why) before presenting your idea. Going about it that way, you can gain some insight, which may help you when you present your idea and make your arguments. In the long run, this behavior may give you leverage and a much-needed advantage. After all, information is power.