One of the most crippling feelings that we can have is self-pity. It stops all forward movement and places us in a victim mentality. We feel controlled by forces outside of ourselves. We feel that we have no power, no joy, and no hope. Self-pity takes away our perspective. We can no longer determine what is right for us or what direction we need to go. Self-pity is not inherent in human beings. It is not something that we are born with but is learned as we grow up. If this is a learned response, it stands to reason that it can be unlearned. When we are troubled or have a negative outlook, stop and think what led to this feeling; is this how I really feel or is this how I have learned that I should be feeling? The mere act of stopping to think; making a conscious choice of how I wish to precede, takes away the power of self-pity.
Something to Think About
When I take responsibility for my choices I can more effectively take care of myself. When I know that wallowing in self-pity is a choice, then I can choose at any time to act differently. I can change my attitude to one of care and concern for myself as opposed to clinging to the old and damaging ways of living.
I awoke one morning when I was in my mid-thirties, terrified. I had no idea why I was so afraid. As I sat looking around my bedroom and thinking about my life, I realized I was afraid of me and my life. I was, in my mind, nearly middle age and I had nothing; no life. I had accomplished none of the things I planned, owned nothing, and felt as though I was doing nothing worthwhile with my life. It was in those minutes that I understood what the terror was about. The first thirty years of my life had slipped by so easily, with no warning or indication the years were coming and going so quickly, until that fateful morning. I knew, based on how quickly the first thirty years had slipped away, there was nothing to stop the next ten, twenty or even thirty years from doing the same, therein lay the root of my fear. I understood I had to do something or I would stay stuck. I had no idea what I wanted to do, yet, but something had to change.
The first order of business was to take a hard look at me and determine what part I played in the stagnation of my life. I am not going to tell you my journey was easy. Significant change is difficult, time-consuming and rarely easy. For me, it started with honestly looking at who I was, and determining why I had been blind or unaware of what was happening to me.
Let me clarify, I was not completely unaware, it just felt like something wasn’t quite right, a slight bit of unease. I quickly assigned it to a busy, fast-paced job, raising children and trying to hold together a marriage which was going further south daily. On that fateful morning, I decided I needed help. I did not have a clue as to what kind, but I knew help was needed. I was willing to open my eyes, leave denial behind and to become present in my day-to-day life. I started to make small decisions about what I wanted, what direction I wanted to go, and what I wanted to accomplish. I learned change is possible but not necessarily easy. I started by going slowly. Even though I started slowly, some of the life lessons had to be repeated. Out of my morning of terror, nearly thirty years later, this book was born. I learned how to change, move on, grieve and let go of what was no longer working for me. I learned how not to be paralyzed by fear or isolate, how to live through fear of rejection and abandonment. This book is written to acknowledge there were times in my life when I needed help getting through the ‘rough spots.’ During those times, I was helped by a little bit of wisdom, some courage, tentative hope, and a whole lot of faith. This book is to share with you what I learned, to help you gain enough momentum, self-love and self-forgiveness to get you through the ‘rough spots’ of your life. Getting Through the Rough Spots is a collection of thoughts, quotes, and affirmations to inspire, uplift and encourage the reader to live a fulfilling life of amazing adventure and accomplishment or any life you choose.
I want my readers to know that you too can make it through, living one day at a time, by starting each day with a little something to get you through the rough spots. Enjoy, and I hope this book helps you to get started and supports you along your journey.