Reflection of Memories

Once we reached our destination, I drove off of the road and surged a little closer to the river. When it was no longer possible to drive the car further, I put the gearshift in park and turned off the lights. There was complete silence. No breeze. No rustling of branches. No birds singing. No woodland creatures chirping. Ironically, the silence was deafening. I felt as if I were going to explode if Caroline didn’t speak. My anticipation, my fear, my attraction to her swirled around inside of my head creating chaos and uncertainty. It was hard to breathe. Caroline Sue Miller and Jerry Adams publicly announced their engagement a little more than twenty-four hours ago. Why was she here with me? What did she want? “Caroline,” I attempted to broach the subject. “Please don’t call me Caroline,” she interrupted with a voice that was barely more than a whisper. “Call me Carley, like you did when we were kids.” The moon was bright, nearly full. Resembling a spotlight, the moonbeams shone in the car, and Caroline’s face radiated from the glow. No matter how hard I searched, there was no readable expression in her eyes. “I love this place.” Caroline looked toward the river as if she could replay memories from her mind, and she could actually see them in the distant. “Most of the happiest moments of my life were right here . . . on this river.” She turned her head and looked directly at me. “And all of my good memories . . . all of my happy memories . . . all of them . . .” Her lower lip quivered slightly. “You’re in all of those memories, Richard.” She hung the statement in the air as if it were tangible. Her eyes challenged me to speak, but I was so breathless and my heart was beating so frantically, I couldn’t utter a word. Quietly, Caroline inched toward me. She looked frightened, but at the same time, she appeared determined. She slid across the bench seat of my Chrysler like a panther moving stealthy toward her prey – even the satin on her dress didn’t make a sound. Her eyes never left mine. They were captivating and incredibly beguiling – I thought I was going to lose myself in them. More than anything in the world, I wanted to wrap my arms around Caroline and pull her toward me, but I couldn’t move. My heart continued to beat progressively faster and more irregularly. I feared it would catapult from my chest. For the last several months – since her return – I had secretly dreamed of Caroline coming toward me in the exact manner in which she was doing now. Sometimes those dreams seemed real; I could almost feel her in my arms. During the day, the fantasies were – to a certain extent – disturbing and painful – yes – painful – I pushed them from my mind. I did not let my imagination intrude upon my waking hours. It hurt too much when I saw Jerry and Caroline walking together in the halls of the school, and I did not want to subject myself to the agony. But, at night, when my subconscious emotions took command, Caroline invaded my dreams. When she came to me in that surreal manner, I was defenseless and unable to control my desires. The practical side of me was certain this moment was not real – I was only dreaming – again. Caroline and me – in the Chrysler – alone – it was too good to be true. As I sat frozen in one position, Caroline continued to move closer – so close her perfume embraced me. The scent was as enticing as forbidden fruit, and I felt as if I was lost forever in the spell it created. She moved at an excruciatingly slow speed, and the slower she moved the more rapidly my heart pounded. When her mouth was only inches from mine, Caroline stopped. Her warm, sweet breath caressed my face. As I studied her expression, I saw an intense yearning in her eyes, which doubled my desire and made me feel as if I were on fire. The bright moonlight enabled me to see a pulse through the soft skin on the side of her neck. The vein was beating widely as if a drummer were pounding out the rhythm of a vigorous Sousa march. Caroline’s lips moved. At first, no words came out of her mouth. When she attempted to speak a second time, she was successful. “Remember,” she whispered. “Remember when we were little kids . . .” she paused for only a moment before continuing, “we sat in the balcony and watched Gone With The Wind. When the movie was over . . . I kissed you. Do you remember?” “Yes.” I choked on the word, but the syllable managed to come out of my mouth audibly. “Could I . . .” Caroline paused. “Would you mind if I kissed you again?” The instant her question was completed, something snapped inside of me. I no longer felt imprisoned by my uncertainties and emotions; consequently, my passion took command. Instead of Caroline moving toward me, I traveled with lightning speed in her direction. My arms encircled her, and I pulled her to me. I was hot and hungry, starving for her touch. A thought flashed through my mind – was I being too strong, too violent, too passionate? Quickly, I brushed the concept away because I could feel an equal fervor exuding from her. Our mouths collided like bolts of lightning on a hot, steamy summer night. She opened her mouth to me, allowing me to taste her tongue and savor its sweetness. My fingers ripped at the bobby pins, which kept her hair captive in a twist behind her head, and I wanted desperately to free the strands so my hands could become entangled in her hair. As I tore out the pins in Caroline’s tresses, she ripped at my clothes. All the while, as we fiercely tasted each other’s pleasures, our lips remained connected. Never in my life had I been so consumed – almost as if wildfires were raging out of control throughout my entire body. It was exciting and overwhelming at the same time. I wanted to be lost in this moment forever.