After going through a few difficult relationships in my past, something became quite obvious to me. I knew something needed to change. It was one of three things: Me, my choices in men, or both! I had to know, and I didn't want to play the victim card any longer. I had played that card all my life, and I didn't want to continue being on that path. It was always important to me to be fulfilled as a person. I wanted to enjoy being wherever I was in my life; whether I was married, single, wealthy, or poor.
At some point, I concluded that the main reason for my breakups had nothing to do with the other person. I also knew that my relationships with men didn't fail because I didn't put any effort into them. I spent more energy in improving those relationships than I ever did in anything else in my life and they still didn't go anywhere. There was something else missing.
Even if the problem had to do with whom I chose as a partner, I only had one thing to work with: to accept that it was me who needed to change my outlook on life, people, and relationships. I didn’t want to listen to family and friends who often told me that I pick the wrong guys. Although looking back, I must say I did at times. However, I didn't want to focus on anyone else but myself. Without accepting that it was my mindset that had been driving my life (including the choices I made), I could not have transformed, married the man of my dreams, and become a proud and loving mom to my kids.
I am thankful for all of my bad experiences for bringing me to where I am today. If it weren't for them, I would've never found true fulfillment which has been hidden all along deep within my being. Cherish Your Inner Porcupine is about appreciating all those negative experiences and transforming yourself to realize your highest potential.
What you have accomplished in life or failed at so far, does not define who you are. You are a soul, a pure being with great qualities, who has had experiences and gained real or false knowledge through those experiences. When the knowledge you gained was aligned with reality, it helped your soul grow. When it was not, you created false beliefs from these incorrect images which I refer to as the porcupine.
There's a reason behind every belief, desire or sensation you have which you need to trace to its root to find the real you. What are your beliefs telling you? Recognize when it's your porcupine that's talking to you and when it's your wisdom. Learn to distinguish between the messages you receive in your mind.
I will help you discover the underlying cause of your issues and conflicts, remove them so you can be more in touch with your true self, live a peaceful life, and create meaningful relationships.
I will make three suggestions that end your arguments and avoid conflicts. You will come up with a reasonable approach to solve your issues peacefully.
Let us find your hidden beliefs which may be the cause of your conflicts.
- Why do I choose to stay in a dysfunctional relationship?
- Based on what, do I choose my partners anyways?
- What are my expectations from my partner and where do they originate?
- Can I change my partner’s perceptions?
- How do I react when I don’t get what I want from my partner?
- Why do I need to feel appreciated by my partner?
- Do I have a hard time accepting other people’s opinions and how far do I go to win in conversations?
- What are my fears?
- How can I find and use my strengths to my advantage?
- What makes me impatient as a person? Why am I so impulsive?
- Am I a taker or do I believe in giving and receiving?
- Do I forgive easily or do I hold on to grudges?
- Why do I feel the need to control others?
- Do I take the people in my life for granted?
- What do I add to my relationships?
- Do I judge other cultures or races and why? Where did this come from?
- Have you ever overreacted in a situation with a man and thought he deserved to get a piece of your mind? Maybe you even succeeded in giving him a hard time at the time, except long-term you realized, it hurt the relationship? That is one of the biggest mistakes women make.
- Are you ever curious what kind of impression you leave on others who are in contact with you every day? Most people hardly ever look at themselves to see what they are contributing to their relationships, especially under stress. They like to blame others for their problems or sufferings. Think about your insecurities, your control issues, your expectations, your lack of compassion for others, and your reactions to others when the situation gets tough.
- Now, let's do some role-playing. Imagine being in a relationship with yourself. Do you believe interacting with yourself is joyful and effortless? Do you always have to walk on eggshells around yourself? Would you be willing to commit to marrying yourself? While we all know the obvious answers to these questions, let’s dig deeper into ourselves to find the real answers.