Searching for “It”

What is “it”
This book is an attempt to impart what I have learned along life’s many paths. Knowledge comes from many different sources and experiences and I offer this collection as one possible way for readers to ponder the concept of “it”—and enjoy a laugh or two along the way.
So, what is “it”? Let’s start with the basics. “It” is a neutral pronoun. That’s the easy part. Some people have it, others don’t. Some people get it, others don’t. It can be everything or nothing. One fact, though, is true: everyone is looking for it. A capitalist and a monk both want it; they just take different roads to find it. I doubt that anyone gets on the right road at first. That’s what growing up is all about. You go down the wrong road and it can be many more wrong roads before you change direction and find one more suited to what you really need, rather than what you want. How many songs are about that? The happiest people I know like having what they need, as opposed to the others who keep searching for what they like or want.
Many of these roads are mirages. You think you have found “it”, but somehow it doesn’t last. Take passion and heat in first encounters, for example. How many rocket-shot romances have you seen where everything is magical, the sex is intense and all-consuming, and then things fade away. In the view of therapists, it’s a common phenomenon. People project onto others what they need and take it as truth because it feels familiar and safe. Later, when they really see the other person and not just their projected self, there is a lessening of intensity when reality seeps in. Then, you are back on the road to repeat it all over again.
How many men spend years lifting skirts, looking for “it”? I’d venture most American men have been trained to look there. We glamorize women, idolize them with all the “image” clothing, and then spend endless hours in pursuit of the prize underneath. Women feed into the belief that they are the prize. They are sold billions of dollars of products from shoes to handbags, clothing to hairstyles, makeup, nail polish, perfume and so on, just to present themselves as the prize. How many women’s magazines, blogs, and books tell young women what the proper amount of time is before the prize can be revealed? Look at all that preparation and dancing to the script of romance, only to find that you didn’t find “it” when you thought you had it.
There is natural curiosity before all this packaging takes over. “Playing doctor” is a kid’s way to get a look. “Playing house” is doing what your parents did and depending on what the hell was going on in your house, it could be a very dicey game. Sex is probably the most written- about topic as it plays out in life’s unfolding dramas: in books, on stage, and in films.
Finding it depends on defining what “it” is. We could start by saying it’s really all about understanding. Understanding what, you say? Well, in short, everything.

Last Call
You have been there right? That time approaching when the bar is about to close and the bartender announces, “Last call”. It is usually followed by some patron groans and then a mad scramble for their last chance to find someone for the night. Well folks, we are now at the last call for “it”. We have been on this journey for quite a time now, about fifty years’ worth, and we have certainly seen the road, both rural and urban. It took us across America, talking to the big riggers as well as anyone sitting on a porch or bench. We have been in the therapy office, talking to men, women, kids and families. We talked with people in places like the general store, or in a metropolitan subway, or the courtroom, or a jail. We heard from street gang members and gay women bouncers. We talked with detectives and Army sergeants, porn stars and mountain scouts. We rode upon, and even talked with an elephant in Thailand, and hitched with gamblers, runaways, and farmers. We have looked at “it” from so many perspectives. We even tried to look “in” with the Buddhist. We certainly had a lot of coffee in diners with the wonderful waitresses, and we did try to talk to anybody and everybody who came across our path. Maybe this journey asked you some tough questions, or made you think about your own life and the choices you made or did not make. Possibly you were there with me when it was the good times and we were rolling along. Perhaps you shared the pain, or a tear or two, when life threw a curve and things got rough.
Now we stand here together and just for a moment, we can ponder the future for a bit. Will you do anything differently? Will finding “it” be easier or harder as we go forward? Will you do it by yourself or will you get some help? Well, for me, I can’t wait for the next conversation about “it” because this journey never stops. There is always somewhere new to go to, and someone else to speak to, or maybe you will have that talk that will change you. Possibly the next time it’s with me. So, there you have it folks, the search for “it” and all its variations. My wish for you is that you have found “it” for yourself, and if not yet, then someday in the future, along your path. Enjoy this search, and maybe tell whoever you meet on the road, about a guy you once read, who spent a whole lifetime searching for “it”.