Orchid Moon

To all the women, who have felt strong, who have felt weak, who have fallen to their knees, who have fought so hard, who have gotten beat, who have survived, the pain it all brings, who have neglected themselves, from all that they need, I hope that you all, Break these chains of grief, I hope that you will, set yourself free. Thursday 11:25 PM I expect perfection from everyone and everything, my friends, family … my loved ones. I know I’m too critical and my standards are unbelievably high, so why do I keep these expectations of mine? No one is perfect, I’m very aware. I’m not even close to perfect, I’m also aware. I just hate feeling like I’m being used. Being used for my energy. The energy that helps them. The energy that wants to do everything and anything to make them happy. Friends, I love my friends, but do they, have they ever, given me the same in return? I don’t know … sometimes it doesn’t feel like it. It’s happening again. This time it is different though. This isn’t about me. It’s bigger than that. I’ve accepted the fact that the inner workings of my mind are complicated, my whole existence is complicated, but what is it that needs to change this time? Longevity of friendships have always held a high value with me, but I don’t think that’s going to work for me anymore. I know who I hold close and dear, I have always known. You know, those friends that have stuck by you through everything, even your own bullshit? The friends who respect you, who you are. Yeah, those ones. I guess that’s a start. They are the ones who I’ll share my heart and soul with. The word, and all the other words, the ones that come from the heart; words that only want what is best for them. Words that want them to shine with their art. As for the rest, I’ll be keeping that same energy that they keep with me. I’m done getting hurt by them, I’ll happily watch them leave. The girl in the mirror, I wonder who she really is. I didn’t realize, how fast she is growing up, my eyes must have quit. I hear my heart, Oh, is it roaring, Louder each day, I can’t fight her anymore, I’ll let her lead the way. Vulnerable To my own thoughts of defeat Why does she do this to me? Why can’t she Just shut the hell up Why can’t she Just let me be? The cancer in my mind Malignant it seems I send love to my heart My heart, She responds in my art My heart, Shedding a light, So warm and bright, She brings me comfort, Peace, The warmth of the sun, It lies inside of me.