A Love Like Carmen's
Volume I
by
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"That’s it. It’s official. CJ just doesn’t respect me and it shows BIG TIME. He never even listens to me. He even blatantly disrespectfully wrote off what I said last night during Bible study. He legit publicly disrespected me - and publicly disrespecting me (especially when the other hoes he’s fucking are present) is the final straw for me. I’m done. And it hurts because I honestly thought he and I were better than that but I guess not. I want to confront him so bad and let him know why I don’t want to have sex with him anymore. Because don’t you know this idiot actually thought he was about to come to my house and have sex with me!!! What in the whole world? I don’t know what drugs he’s on or what has gotten into him - but you’re not going to disrespect me for the satisfaction of your little groupies and then think you can come see behind closed doors. I think the hell not! I am worth way more than that. I honestly don’t know how or when to confront him about that. I’m trying to figure it out because I know the conversation is going to get heated. Oh AND not to mention, he is taking someone to Miami BUT the jerk can’t even pay $20 on me for lunch! Smh… now that’s a mess. Lord Jesus please help me get OUT of this mess. I definitely feel like I made the wrong decision and picked the wrong guy AGAIN! Ugh! What is wrong with me?
I can not even believe I got into it multiple times with my mom over CJ’s stupid, sorry ass! My mom and I argued about him not once, but twice. Because she was trying to help me see the bigger picture and trying to help me see clearly and I just did NOT want to listen. Smh… I’m honestly not sure why I even deal with him. He’s a big waste of time. He’s just a blob of a mess. Is it because I’m afraid to be alone? Is it because I don’t know my worth? What’s the problem? Is this the codependency rearing its ugly head? I don’t know what’s going on but I have to figure it out and fix it or get it fixed - ASAP! Because this right here is NOT what’s up. I have to get my self-confidence back and get my self-esteem up and tell CJ to fuck off! Seriously. Maybe it’s the fear of abandonment that’s rearing its ugly head? Gosh! Ugh! You know the fear of abandonment will have people feeling like they have to stay in toxic, unhealthy, and abusive relationships or situation-ships all because they’re afraid to be alone. I think that’s my problem. I’m afraid to be alone. I want to be married and have a family but I know damn well this dude can NOT be who God has for me…. I’m sorry. He just can’t be God’s BEST for me. Not with the way he’s been acting and treating me. Ugh… nah this can’t be it.
As I’m sitting here journaling out what’s going on, the craziest thing happens. CJ starts to text me and get mad at me because I wasn’t responding to his text message fast enough. Now mind you, he’s on vacation with another chick! So why is he even bothering me? And he knows that I wanted him to take me to Miami and take ME to the beach all summer…smh. Before he left, he kept throwing it up in my face about his upcoming vacation and then he even accused me of having a bipolar attitude… like what the hell? Um no… I don’t have a bipolar attitude. You sir, live a bipolar lifestyle because you’re messing with multiple chicks and you have to become a different person to be with each of the women so they can continue to provide for you - you sorry piece of a specimen! He can’t even remember who he’s supposed to be at any given moment. So now who’s exhibiting bipolar behavior? I can’t even fix my lips to call him a man because he’s just not. The truth of the matter is I do feel some type of way because he was having sex with me and talking about relationships but then he went on vacation with someone else. And then not to mention, he sent me pictures of himself in a dressing room in Miami, trying on some shorts. *rolls eyes* As I was looking at the photo, I didn’t even realize it until later on, but he has a ring on his left hand… smh. Really CJ??? So whoever he’s with in Miami, he’s down there perpetrating like they’re married. My sister, Tracey, was right about him… smh. She told me NOT to date him, have sex with him, or give him the time of day because he’s a man in need. And a man in need will make you end up having to use Puffs indeed."
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About the Book
Carmen is a young woman in her twenties who keeps looking for love in all the wrong places. She’s also a Christian struggling to integrate her religion into the confines of modern dating. Over and over, Carmen chooses the wrong guy. In her journal, she acknowledges that she fears abandonment and is afraid of being alone.
She longs to find the right guy to start a family, and she is lucky to have her faith to lean on. She truly believes God has a man waiting for her. She believes she has a divinely ordained match out there somewhere, so she asks God for guidance as she is shaped into the person God wants her to be.
Carmen has moments of doubt, however, as she sometimes thinks God hates her due to some of her past decisions. She eventually finds her way back into His loving arms, though not without strife. She must go through a lot of Mr. Wrongs to find Mr. Right, but Carmen will not give up. She looks forward to the day when she finds a true love of her own.
About the Author
T. N. Bradford has a master’s in psychology. She is an advocate for mental health, self-worth, and self-confidence and is owner of the nonprofit Be Confident. Be Bold. Be Beautiful, Inc. She spends her days working in the commercial real estate industry and being mother to her daughter, Paige. She also has two dogs, Stormie and Jackie. In her free time, she loves to dance, journal, spend time with family and friends and travel.