The Other Side Of The Sun

One of the worst places to be at war is within your own mind. Having good memories is great but it is what memory refuses to forget is haunting. One thing I learned while learning to love myself is not to expect more from people. I mean some people really give all they have and sometimes all they have is just a little bit. Whether it is a little bit of love, time or affection people give you the most of the little they have. I know for certain that there are others in the world that may not have grown but being showed how to love another person adequately. As I have not learned either but I am learning that I reflect the type of attention I attract. Being that I had no self-respect it made it easier for others to disrespect me and it is almost unfair to require others to treat me in a way that I was not willing to treat myself. I am learning to forgive not only others but mainly myself. I self-sabotaged a lot of situations. They say if you know better you do better but at the time I did not know any better.

As a child I never understood why before Jesus passed during His crucifixion that he asked his Father to forgive those whom had harmed Him. He stated they know not what they do. I often expected people to know the pain they have caused me and how I felt but it was unfair to ask them to understand when I was causing the majority of my pain by not letting those people go. To request understanding of my circumstances I learned I must also be understanding of others and use better discernment in who deserves to be in my life. Jesus also knew that Judas would betray him and He still allowed Judas to sit at His table. Jesus needed Judas. Jesus knew He had to die so our sins could be forgiven and He needed Judas to do what he did so that it could come to pass. No one ever wants to deal with the pain of betrayal and heartbreak but it is often in our weakness and where you find your strength. The pain I endured was intended to help me grow and make wiser decisions from my own bad examples. My healing has made my future seem so much brighter, once I learned to move from the other side of the sun.

I apologize to anyone who I may have harmed while trying to figure out my own life. I can admit that I was not always in the right. I take full accountability for my words and actions. I wish you all the best with love.