Mi Vida Loca: The Diary of a Teen Mom

Do you ever sit back and analyze your life, all the major milestones you have been through, the happy, the sad and then all of a sudden a light bulb goes on and you understand. You can finally see where things happened for a reason, where people came into your life for a reason, why the good or the bad occurred? Where the situation was going to happen regardless but that other thing happened to distract you from it or helped you to get through it?

That's what I have done, that’s where I am now, reflecting, understanding and appreciating everything that I have ever gone through. Everyone that I have ever met and everything that is to come. I am where I am supposed to be, I am in a position where I can help others to understand that the pain you are going through today may be so that you can have a better tomorrow, The struggle you are going through today might be to help your grandchildren live a happier life, the decisions you make, whether they be good or bad will help to shape your decision making in the future and you can take the time to be thankful and to work at being the best version of yourself,  that’s all you can do and the other moving parts in your life will fall into place wherever they are meant to. I have also come to realize that you can only control you and what you do to enhance your life experience so don’t leave your future in someone else’s control. Ensure that you are creating the happiness that you desire and not waiting for someone else to provide you with it.

I have spent a lot of time having anger in my heart. Anger towards my parents, anger towards my grandparents, the world ... Then I realized that the situations that I didn’t necessarily understand or value, happened to shape my world. My life is far from perfect, I am not where I feel like I should be in my journey and I am still trying to figure out what I want to be when I grow up. I may not have all the material items I wish I would have had by now but what I do have is faith that things will work out the way that they are meant to and thanks for what I do have. I have been blessed with an AMAZING life, even without all the luxuries that some have I am lucky enough to have two beautiful healthy kids that impress me everyday, I have a husband that has worked incredibly hard to ensure that I have everything that I want, especially love, I have experienced so many amazing memories with my people and I wouldn’t change those experiences for the world!

When I first started putting my story to paper I couldn't seem to get it done, it was filled with so much anger. It was full of stories that some people would not want the world to read and that was not how I wanted to share my story. Yes there are things that happened to me in my youth that I believe could have been avoided they could have been handled better and they could have changed the entire trajectory of my life but they were meant to happen the way that they did and forgiveness is the only thing that is going to help, blaming or shaming someone else is not going to make the past disappear.

I have always been an open book, I  have told my kids all the things I have experienced and I think that this will help to ensure that history doesn't repeat itself, it is important to me that my kids know that I am willing to take ownership for my own mistakes and that we can all learn from them. It is also important that they know that I am there for them no matter what and even when I think that I should leave them alone I make sure that I tell them that one last time that I love them or that I am there if they need me.

My life has been a rollercoaster, it has had some loops and twists and turns and highs and lows and sometimes it has gone around that same track more than once but all I wish for is that whoever reads this is able to see that NO MATTER what you have done, no matter how bad things have fallen or how sad you have felt that sometimes just looking at things from a different perspective, pretending that it isn’t your life and thinking of the advice that you would give someone else can help you to get through the situation and when you look back on it hopefully you can see the lesson that you were meant to take away. Try to find something to be happy about, did you have someone smile at you today, did you find a quarter on the sidewalk, did you eat today? Most of the time there is someone out there that is going through much worse than we are and we wouldn't even know it.

I am not necessarily a religious person, I went to a Catholic school throughout most of my childhood and I have been through all of the major religious milestones but I do believe that there is a fate for each of us. There is a bit of a path that we are meant to follow and on this path there are a lot of different routes that we can take. Sometimes that route that we have chosen takes us the long way around but nevertheless I do believe that everyone’s journey is somewhat laid out.