I Choose Us

I’m only standing there for thirty seconds when he walks out the double doors. My jaw drops, seeing the man he’s transformed into. His broad shoulders perfectly contour to the dark blue suit coat of his jacket, and my eyes drop to his chest where the jacket opens to a tighter fitting button-up. His eyes find me, and I watch as they move from my head to my toes, and back up again. His jaw is tense, giving off an edge to him that I’ve never seen. I wonder what it is that’s happened in his life to cause that. Our eyes lock with one another, and I can see the apprehension in them. There’s a flicker of something else I can’t quite understand, excitement maybe? “Chloe?” That voice. After all this time, I never thought I would actually want to hear it, but I want him to say my name again. I should ask him all of my unanswered questions. I should be angry. But I’m not. “Hi, Jason.” My words come out quieter than I intended, not able to find my voice. I expect him to stop as he nears me, but he continues at the same pace until he wraps his arms around me, pulling me into him, as if we’re reuniting as friends after twenty years of not seeing one another. The hug is brief, but even the moment of feeling his body against mine floods me with memories from years ago. Being in his arms, I’m taken back twenty years, feeling that same embrace, and reliving a memory that feels like it was yesterday. As quickly as his arms wrap around me, he pulls away. I work to catch my breath after breathing him in, my heart beating so loudly I’m sure he can hear it. I close my eyes, but when I open them again, he’s staring into them, filling my sight. I can see the surprise on his face, but he maintains a tight jawline, as if he’s trying to put up a wall I can’t cross, not wanting me to know how he’s truly feeling. “You look unbelievable,” he says. His eyes run down the length of my body. The proximity of watching him stare at me sends blood rushing to my face. I feel tingles follow his gaze from my head to my toes. “Are you back in Chicago?” I ask as his eyes return to mine. “I’m only in Chicago for a few days. I got in yesterday and plan to stay for the weekend to visit my parents. I still live in Charlotte, but the company I work for is very involved with this charity, so they asked if I would attend on their behalf.” His words sound so much calmer than mine. I watch as he runs his hands through his sandy blond hair, clasping them behind his head. “I didn’t expect to ever see you again. You look even better than I remember.” His final sentences create small flutters in my chest. Instinctively, I smile. I watch as his jaw relaxes, and his lips curl into a smile, mirroring my own. The flutters in my chest tighten, and I realize I need to breathe. What’s happening to me? I look away, pretending to brush some imaginary crumbs from my dress so he doesn’t notice the sudden rush of blood to my cheeks. When I look back up, he’s staring at me with more than just surprise in his eyes. Damn. That look. He must realize the signal he’s giving me in my body’s response, because I see the emotional wall return when he blinks again. It’s as if I am gaining glimpses into how we used to intimately know each other, but now, we aren’t even acquaintances. We’re practically strangers. “What are you doing here?” he asks, pausing and turning toward the doors that lead back to the ballroom. “My…” I pause, remembering why I’m here, nervous about articulating the next word, “…husband works for the Hemingway Law Firm.” I mumble the words, watching his facial expression when I use the word “husband.” “They support this charity as well.” “What about you? What are you doing for work? Don’t tell me you turned all stay-at-home on me?” Jason asks, looking back toward me, smiling. “I don’t know if I’m capable of that,” I answer, breaking into a slight laugh. “I’m a sales VP for a start-up based in Dallas. I work remotely from the suburbs currently.” “I’m happy for you, Chloe,” he replies more softly and then smiles at me again. “It sounds like everything you wanted.” “I guess you could say that.” I look back at the doors to the ballroom, thinking about Christian. This is the life I wanted. I just don’t understand why it feels so good to be here speaking with Jason. “I should probably get back. Maybe we can catch up sometime?” The comment takes us back to the reality of the situation. “I would like that.” He looks from me back to the doors behind us. “You’re probably right about getting back. Lexi may start to worry, given my quick departure from the table.” “Lexi?” I raise my eyebrows inquisitively. “She’s my date for the event,” he says casually, as if it were common knowledge. I can tell he doesn’t want to go into additional details, but I’m eager to know more. Why does it bother me that he’s here with someone else? I am. I bite my lip to avoid asking anything I shouldn’t. He grins at me and then pulls out his phone. “What’s your number? I’ll text you.” I share my number and feel my watch vibrate, signaling the text came through. “Call me,” he says sweetly, taking a step back. I nod and watch as he looks at me one last time. It’s almost as if he’s taking a mental picture.