With All Your Heart, And With All Your Soul, And With All Your Mind

What Goes Around Boomerangs

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding;
in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight. (Proverbs 3:5–6)

One challenge in the above verse lies in the phrase in all your ways. Below, I describe a situation when I should have tried to understand my husband’s perspective but I was tired and acted on impulse rather than love. This encounter taught me to lean on God—even with my tired and grumpy self—especially with my tired self.

This story began one night when Dan asked me where a large bag of rice was located as he stared at the pantry. Immediately, I thought its location should have been evident even to a child. So I told him (with a pinch of sass) that he seldom looked closely for things before asking for help. We grumbled a bit and moved on. Then, the very next day, after he bought groceries and put them up, guess who could not find the chicken broth after looking closely—twice?

I hesitated to ask for help but was too tired to look a third time. So I swallowed deeply and asked Dan to help me find the broth he bought the day before. Do I need to say that God’s footprints often include swallowing deeply?

Dan, finding humor in my predicament, put his arm around me, danced me to the pantry, and then pointed toward the chicken broth. I still could not see the broth because he purchased a generic brand and placed it sideways between the canned green beans and spinach where I did not look. He had to touch the box with his finger before I saw it.

I had an immediate epiphany.

I usually choose the brands, organize the pantry, and know where things are located. Dan does not know the brands I choose or how I classify items. Why would he know the location of things around the house? Are you noticing my limited perspective and the need for prayer? Because I did not pray, here lies one of those “judge not” epiphanies (Romans 2:1). Through this experience, I was reminded that I sometimes draw conclusions quickly and that Dan and I have differences that work for us more often than against us. Yes, you heard me—opposites attract for reasons we do not always understand.

Years ago, we took a Myers-Briggs personality test—the long one. We both scored in the one-hundredth percentile in every test area—opposite each other. He scored 100 percent as an extrovert; I scored 100 percent as an introvert. I have no doubt God brought us together to teach us tolerance, effective collaboration, multiple ways to view a sunset, and more.

Dan and I continue to work toward understanding our differences and developing a better sense of humor. We have learned that we receive more love and respect when we give love and respect. We have learned the deeper meaning of God’s Word when we actively love one another. When we hold God and all others in high regard, we love ourselves more because we do not see our negative words and actions boomerang back in our direction.

In the case of the pantry incident, Dan and I laughed, then talked about how impossible it would be to love each other if we focused on changing the other’s natural inclinations. When we want to offer help, we should give patience, compassion, and love rather than instructions. When we find a critique trying to make its way out of our mouths, we may want to stop and think about our unique tendencies. We may be trying to train another person to be more like us.

If I am bothered by disorder, I’m now learning to modify my desire for perfection or quietly clean the clutter. It’s not Dan’s job to understand and follow my desires. If he wants to compromise on some of my preferences out of love, great. The same is true of me. If I act in ways that please him, it should be out of love, not in answer to repeated criticism or the fear of criticism. Love does not mature well if not nurtured well.

Following Christ protects us from placing our desires and misguided perspectives ahead of loving others. We are not omniscient and can easily misinterpret situations. So we pray—and let me stress the part about waiting for God’s answer (and the part about human imperfection). When we remember to pray and wait, we allow the other person the benefit of the doubt and avoid unfairly judging a situation. In place of judgment, we (try to) remember to offer prayers, kindness, patience, respect, and love. And we (try to) put the brakes on advice, though we will always have our days!