Elephant On My Chest

Chapter 1: Elena — Present “Through the Dark” By One Direction I can’t breathe. Oh, God, please don’t let this happen to me. Don’t let me pass out in the middle of class in front of everyone and have them call an ambulance, while everyone questions what’s wrong with me or comes up with their own conclusions. My heart begins to catch up with the rapid trembling of my hands. Why here, why now? What’s causing this? Deep breaths Elena, deep breaths. In through the nose, out through the mouth. You’ll be fine. Think of something else, anything else. Think of something that makes you happy. Okay, that’s clearly not working. Think of a happy memory. Nothing. Not a single thing comes to my mind right now. My life’s just one big treacherous storm that wants to carry me away as it did with Kansas. I just need to get out of here, now. I get up without a word to the teacher and quickly leave the room. I pick up my pace when I turn the corner towards the washroom as I feel the tears well up in my eyes. “Hey,” I hear the voice of a guy call out to me in a group of people, talking at the lockers near the washroom. Ugh, this is so embarrassing. I don’t look up, pretending as if I didn’t hear whomever it was or that it wasn’t intended for me as I walk straight into the washroom. I quickly look around, making sure there’s no one else in any of the stalls. Thank God, there isn’t. I grip the counter, attempting to hold up my balance and look up in the mirror, there’s nothing but bags surrounding my deep blue eyes that are now glossed over. I’m a mess. “Elena?” I jump to the sudden deep voice that calls to me, and I turn around to find Kane Crawford standing in the girl’s washroom before me. My gaze darts up to his crystal blue eyes staring down at me: wide and full of concern. What’s he doing in here? “What’s wrong? Are you okay?” He grabs the side of my face with his hand, causing a jolt in my heart that causes me to flinch. It’s embarrassing how quickly my body reacts to his touch, and it’s definitely not helping my nerves right now. I nod, trying to hide the million emotions flooding through me right now. “What are you doing in here?” I manage to say but it comes out breathless. Kane shakes his head, causing a strand of his dark flowy brown hair to fall in front of his face, somehow making it look even better than it already was. “I wanted to make sure you’re okay.” “I’m fine,” I quickly bob my head, diverting my eyes away from him, just wanting to be alone. “No, you’re not. I know you, and I know when something’s wrong, so don’t you dare lie to me, mariposa,” he tilts my chin back up to gain my attention. Mariposa? Did he just call me that? I don’t think he’s called me that since we were little kids. I remember the very first time he called me that. We were in the first grade, and I found a butterfly outside during recess, but instead of calling it by its English name, I referred to it by its Spanish name: mariposa, and ever since, he’s called me that. “I know something’s bothering you. I saw it on your face when you walked past me. I tried calling out to you, but you darted in here,” he describes as his hand is still pressed against my face, but he moves closer to my body, leaving little bit of space between us. I can’t believe he came in here to check up on me. Yeah, we sometimes hang out together, but with a group of friends. Other than that, we haven’t necessarily been the closest this year. I don’t really know why. I guess it could be because we don’t have any classes this term. Regardless, I would have never thought that he would care this much about me to come into the girls’ washroom. “It’s stupid,” I gaze down at our feet. How am I supposed to tell someone that I don’t talk to on a daily basis anymore, someone that I don’t discuss this kind of stuff with, that I’m suffering from depression? How am I meant to explain how I’m an emotional wreck, and that I feel so lonely, but keep pushing away everyone that tries to get close to me? “Tell me,” his fingers gently stroke the side of my face as if he can sense that I’m second guessing whether I should fess up to him or not. “I… I keep having these anxiety attacks,” I bite down on my lip to prevent myself from crying. Seriously? I can’t explain anything without the urge to cry? What’s the matter with me? “From what? What’s been going on? Talk to me,” Kane’s glistening look sinks into me. “A lot has been going on at home with my parents and stuff,” I scratch the back of my head. “But it has for a few years now, so I don’t know why it’s affecting me right now,” I admit, trying to fake a smile, but I doubt it's working. “Like what?” He pushes. Dios. I have the feeling that he’s not going to leave until I tell him something. “We suffered from a lot of loss in my family recently, and it was really tough on my parents,” I grind my teeth. “I’ve tried so hard to be okay for the sake of everyone else, especially Benson, but it seems to suddenly be catching up to me and backfiring,” my voice fades towards the end of my sentence as the waterworks begin. Dammit. I really didn’t want to cry in front of fricken Kane Crawford. “I’m so sorry that you’ve been having to go through that,” his voice lowers, but the pad of his…