In Search of Rain, From Motel Qu to Pittsburgh

I didn't know where to start. I thought it's better to begin from childhood, which is the golden era of life. Because the personality of each person is formed in this period and there is no better alternative for that. Like other children, my childhood was full of sadness and joy. I was born into a large family. We were nine siblings and were born almost one to two years after each other. I was the third child and the eldest son in the family. One year after my birth, my younger brother, Mohammad, was born into our family. Mohammad and my two older sisters, Fatima and Zahra were my playmates. We played together and made mischief, but I was the one often punished by my parents! My parents were from two completely different worlds in terms of personal characteristics. My father was a tall, handsome man with a thick mustache and shaved beard. He had colored penetrating eyes and with stereotypes of Western movie actors. He had an extroverted and easygoing personality. He always wore marked jeans and sneakers, but never liked to wear an undershirt. My father's literacy was poor because he had left the school after Grade Six and helped with his family business -cattle breeding- as a teenager. He was interested in hunting. When he was eighteen years old, he left for Tehran to serve in the military. He had purchased a double-rifle shotgun with its accessories after completing the military service and two years later he married my mother. My mother was a simple housewife. In contrast to my father’s looks, she was short and had a round face. She was a modest and traditional religious woman and always wore a scarf even at home. She had an introverted and thoughtful personality, and always a sadness rippling in her eyes. She was a patient wife and was in charge of all the housework. Unfortunately, though, my mother was illiterate and never went to school. Because of the prevalence of patriarchal culture in traditional families at the time, many families did not see the school environment as suitable for girls and would ban girls from going to school. My parents didn’t have a romantic relationship. In their life together, they never expressed their love for each other in public. I never saw my parents hold each other's hands and kiss or hug each other. At that time, masculinity was more prevalent in social life and there were few people who expressed their feelings in public. For years, I have always wondered how my parents got married with these obvious differences. I later found out that they were married in order to strengthen the connection between the two tribes. My parents were both born and raised in traditional religious families in Kelardasht, a mountainous region surrounded by highland covered with forest and pine trees in the north of Iran. My mother belongs to the Gilak tribe, the main tribe of the northern part of Iran but my father belonged to a native Iranian Kurdish tribe known as Khajeh-Vand, which has a tendency to Yarsan or Ahl al-Haqq. Followers of Yarsan believe in the principles of purity, honesty, humility and chivalry. Having a mustache is important for men who follow the Yarsan religion and it is tied to their beliefs. Their religious ceremonies are accompanied by playing the tambourine. There is no such thing as death in the Yarsan religion, as adherents believe in the reincarnation of the soul. My paternal ancestors were originally from the western part of Iran. During the wars of history, many Kurdish tribes from western Iran were gradually moved to the borders and northern areas of the country to protect the area and to prevent local uprisings, and the Khajeh-Vand tribe was settled in Kelardasht. The men of our tribe were tall and stocky. They often had guns and were fond of hunting and horse riding. People of our tribe were engaged in agriculture and animal husbandry and had a nomadic life. Due to geographical and climatic requirements, they rode horses and mules and moved through foothills among the Forest Mountains from Kelardasht to the plain areas for grazing livestock and agriculture. According to my parents, marriage between the Khajeh-Vand and Gilak tribes in Kelardasht was taboo for many years after the Khajeh-Vand tribe moved to Kelardasht. Later, the families of two tribes intermarried in order to make ties between two tribes firm and lasting. My parents’ wedding took place in a very traditional way. Shortly after my father married my mother, my uncle (my mother's brother) married my aunt (my father's sister) in order to make their lives stable and permanent! Unfortunately, though, my father was addicted to heroin and sometimes abused alcohol. As a result, he didn’t pay much attention to us. It was as if we were from another family and not sired by my father. I don’t remember my father caressing me. Sometimes I wondered if my father knew I was his child! He gave very little money to my mother. However, my mother was satisfied and pleased with whatever she received. With this little amount of money, she turned the wheel of the house, as the saying goes. All my father's love could be summed up in smoking, hunting and his Honda 750CC motorcycle. My father bought the motorcycle and a liquor shop in the city from the sale of the lands that he had inherited from my grandfather. The shop was located in the main square of the city and he had obtained a license to sell beverages. It was the only liquor store in the town. At that time, the motorcycle was a precious commodity. My father liked to say that when he bought his motorcycle, it was more expensive than the Iran national car, Paykan, which had just entered the market.