Ouroboros 2

What did I do? The nerves in my fingers were jerking into permanent claws as my vision darkened. It dimmed into a tunnel, a narrow tunnel where the perforating my eyelids even when I blinked. It was tinged a permanent black. A thick splat of ebony. The voices in my head were getting louder again, shouting even. I wish they would stop because now I was at a bridge, dropping her off. I was frigid. Beyond cold that night. The chilled wind was susurrating through the trees, the branches wavering and brushing against each other, teasing each other. A mockery of nature. The thud of water clapping was the loudest thing in the world. Craning my neck over the view, the body bag at the bottom was flittering against the moonlight, the white sweeping over in broad strokes, no different from a paintbrush. The drive home was even more numbing. The wind was pressing against my car, making it zigzag over the road. Swan Lake was playing in one ear and out the other, dancing and flowing throughout my consciousness. Ballet dancers on top of their toes and bowing, swooping their arms deeply as they skirted over the stage in sequence. The tulle of their outfits were shimmering wildly, the spotlight on them projecting in a fiery roar. I was leaving with her, outside the theater, except I wasn’t. She wasn’t here. Not anymore. Her hooked arm around mine disappeared from mine, evaporating, and I was driving the long road, a lonely one, cold and biting. I was a mess because the thoughts were becoming an even more erratic, a more tangled mess of wires and lines of code and tasks that needed to be done. 2 The sun was climbing, its grasp reaching over the mountain ranges of the Fujian province. It was an overnight flight as ordered by my father. I was back in China without Maksim and with no means to escape. The flight back was quiet, beyond silent. Zhuang was browsing the newest automobile magazine, perusing the Dongfeng line while Kong and Kang were playing Puzzle Dragon on their phones. I couldn’t believe I was being brought back to China to do my father’s bidding once more. I was on my own, journeying further away from him, but here I was, being brought back to the mansion to his influence and whatnot. All I wanted for myself was a fresh start, but my father couldn’t have that. He was a man of prudence, a man of strict discipline and guardianship over Fuzhou. The reach he had over Fuzhou was enormous, expanding off the coast into the republic of China. Even though I wasn’t happy to be back in the reaches of my father, seeing the cityscape where lights were twinkling and winking off in the distance brought back a nostalgic sense of relief. I missed this city, missed the people and the sense of community I had, where I could lead an army of men to do my bidding. The airport air was beyond stale when we got off the plane. It stank of old coffee and crushed up cigarettes, people being late for their flights and whatnot. I was ambivalent, unable to decide if I wanted to be here or to be gone to the wind. Zhang, Kong, and Kang, however, were all in high spirits to be back, smiles plastered on their visages, ready to get back to their normally scheduled business and carry on with their lives. Maksim wasn’t with me. He was still in Japan, left to his devices, left to the life I wanted. He was probably sitting inside that Japanese apartment, clicking and doing more of his side cons, tending to our guild and shouldering the burden of being by himself. He always complained about being alone, always complained about it when he lost his wife and I felt for the guy. It was painful to lose a loved one like that, to lose a significant other, the one you cherished so dearly and they suddenly died, leaving you bitterly. Maksim struggled with finding someone new, finding someone that made him complete like his wife did; all of his following relationships were short, lasting a month to a year, but never forever. Not like Inga. Why did she need to die to her bad heart. Her life dwindled away and Maksim and everyone watched her drift away like a withering human. They were leading me back to my father now, to Old Lion. We headed out into a taxi. I was crammed into the back with Kong and Kang while Zhang was loading the trunk with our luggage. He joined us and told the driver to go to my father’s mansion. My stomach was knotting up with how I didn’t want to see my father, and didn't want to speak with him about my abrupt absence either. It was one of those things where one’s job was going up to civilians and roughing them up for money in order to prevent a neighboring rival gang from appearing and doing the same stole one’s life. I had been gone for two years, and I do not think he would be happy to see me. Zhang was working on purchasing a car from the Dongfeng line while Kong and Kang were trading currency in their game. They were also yapping about Ouroboros and how elated they were to be the winners. “Can’t believe we won,” Kong said. “Of course we won. We’re the best,” Kang said.