"Our grieving is as individual as our lives." – Kubler-Ross
Disconnecting from a beloved spouse or life partner is akin to taking apart a beautiful jigsaw puzzle and carelessly discarding some pieces. No matter how hard we try, recreating that cohesive image becomes impossible. The harmonious picture once formed by merging two distinct individuals— two "I's" which became "us"— shatters when one-half of that union is lost. We are left with the daunting task of piecing together as many fragments of that puzzle as possible, all while introducing new pieces of our own making. This cumbersome but necessary process ultimately creates a new and distinct picture called My Life.
Grief is a profound reaction to a loss arising from circumstances beyond our control. To grieve is to navigate the tumultuous emotions that follow the initial shock of loss, to reflect on the meaning of our shared past, and to come to terms with the myriad unresolved circumstances of our present. The grieving journey reveals the necessity of creating and building a future that resonates with our needs and desires.
This book, A Companion Through Grief to Gratitude, is a companion to accompany you through the challenging grieving process with an eagle's eye, continuous awareness of the learning opportunities, self-exploration, and fulfillment available on the journey. Grieving engages our four integral parts or "bodies": mental, emotional, physical, and spiritual. Together, these four bodies interpret our everyday existence and guide us toward what is possible and meaningful beyond everyday life.
Learning to access and harmonize the insights gathered from these four bodies grants us a more comprehensive perspective of ourselves and our surroundings. This expanded awareness becomes our compass as we reimagine our lives, forging new relationships and engaging in significant activities. With each step, be it large or small, toward establishing a meaningful new existence, the wisdom gained from integrating messages from our four bodies deepens our gratitude for our lives that once included our departed loved one. As gratitude flourishes, it brings forth love and joy—two powers that intertwine and reinforce one another. Thus, gratitude emerges as the bedrock upon which we build our new lives.
This book focuses on losing a significant loved one and self. However, the process of grieving described applies to any personal and universal loss. The loss of a job, a marriage, a friendship, a home, an animal, health, status, or an event in our community all impact and activate various degrees of loss.
As a Marriage and Family Therapist, I have supported numerous clients to heal their wounded hearts caused by their loss. My clients made strides with the strategies I provided. However, my true understanding of the depths of loss was revealed when my significant other and husband of 37 years passed away. At that moment, I became intimately acquainted with loss and grief. I experienced the suffering of losing my soul mate, closest friend, lover, travel companion, and workout buddy. My identity felt diminished, and I found myself lost in an unrecognizable world.
Thankfully, the strategies presented in this book served as a lifeline, guiding me through my grieving process, helping me reorient myself, and enabling me to construct a new life moving forward. Through this journey, I found a pathway that led me from grief to a place of gratitude.