Manna

Chapter XVII - Are the Jews Offended by This? ______________________________ I know what you're thinking. ... "Isn't all this using the word Jews over and over getting a bit rude already???" Nah... This is Jews we're talkin' about. They love when they're the center of attention. ... They freakin' loooOoooOOoooveeEeee iiiiiIiiIIIIiiiIIiitttTTtt... I'm basically massaging them right now. They wish the news was only about them, every day, worldwide. Damn, and it probably might be now. ... ... after that Red Sea thing. Dear, GggggHashem, ... what've I done. But in the off chance we actually are offending someone, then I say let's keep this thing rollin'. ... ... Let's get our money's worth, up in this. Alright, what else can we offend people over? Oh, hey, that reminds me. ... Before I answer that, something else just occurred to me. They say that when their messiah comes, he's gonna be all super smart and stuff, and he's gonna like, fill the entire world with his knowledge, like the oceans fill the seas. ... ... And they also say he's gonna like, teach everyone a whole new dimension to the Torah and whatnot. Well, what do you think that's gonna look like? And how do you know this isn't a precursor to that? How do you know I'm not handling his light work for him right now? ... ... like some kinda sketchy disciple or something. But seriously, what is that supposed to look like? How is he supposed to teach you a whole new dimension to everything if you already know everything? Seriously. And how is he supposed to like, bring the whole entire world together without working any magic or dismantling nature, as it is believed? I mean, I have no idea what this hypothetical individual would or would not do, but I'll tell you what, going around working miracles in order to prove you're divinity isn't really a realistic viable option on this planet. Most of us'll just simply not believe it. I mean, I've seen David Copperfield make an elephant disappear, so, it's like, none of this fancy Harry Potter stuff is ever gonna blow my mind or anything. ... And even if someone really does perform some actual, real-life, preternatural magic, ... that still doesn't really amount to much. I mean, they claim that there are these like, false prophets who can do that kind of stuff, and that like, even Pharaoh's sorcerers could match ol' Hashem with those basic magic tricks. So, it's like, what would that even prove? And you can't just go around breaking nature to prove your divinity, as I've already stated. The rabbis know this. Our animal psychology cannot cope with that. It would melt our brains. We nEEd the laws of nature to stay consistent down here. Anything less, and this whole entire project would quickly dissolve. No, you're gonna have to do something different. You're gonna have to present us with some actual, self-evident logic. ... You're gonna have to dazzle us with Socrates. Alright, so, how is this dude supposed to do that? ... And like I said before, that doesn't mean that there aren't these like, other encrypted layers within these stories. There definitely are, and maybe we could talk about that in another setting. But if this moshiach guy shows up, and he's not invoking magic or anything, but he's still exposing truths that people have never noticed before, then it's gonna be a bunch of stuff like I'm talking about. He's gonna be challenging your understanding of things. That's a fact. I'm just gettin' you warmed up for it. ... just gettin' you all lathered up with margarine. ... ... Come 'ere, boyuh! Quit resisting!! QUIT RESISTING!!!!!!!