A Warrior's Grace:

The ocean is intoxicating. There is so much peace at the ocean and yet it can be so volatile. How nature expresses itself is also evident in this human experience. Life is intoxicating and volatile. Life experiences can lift you to new levels of consciousness and yet take you to the darkest places imaginable in one fail swoop. I suppose being on a roller coaster ride is another thing life is always trying to teach us......adversity. I would like to believe I live somewhere in between, what my Mamma used to call the “grey area” of life. I don't like the unknown or the roller coaster ride. I thrive on consistency. I need the sure thing or as close to the mark as possible. This is where I find peace in my life by knowing all the possible outcomes and planning for every single one of them. I realize, of course, this makes for a very boring and simple life. It also makes me feel safe. Mamma never lived in the “grey zone". She welcomed the adversity of life, in all its complexities. She thrived on the possibilities each day brought her. She was curious and not easily satisfied with the mundane rhythm of life. She was always pushing the boundaries of her situation, if only to better understand the world around her and better herself in the process. She was brave and fearless. She had a sign in the kitchen that said, “Only when you are not afraid do you begin to live". She certainly lived that every day of her life while still providing a pertinent, angry young man with the stability he needed. She had an inner need to be grounded and at peace even in the gravest of circumstances. She would get calm when everyone else was freaking out, including myself. I never understood her plight to be so balanced and peaceful. I used to think her “woo-woo" tactics were annoying, but they were always able to bring me to a place of acceptance.