Existing Without A Trace

Breaking the Silence The heart with a hole. There is a village, a community of persons, suffering from the code of silence. We are labeled as foundling babies, abandoned, adopted, or foster. This starts from the day of knowing how we exist or how we contribute to society. It is the day the hole in the heart begins, the wailing up with tears of no understanding, and the thoughts of trying to understand why. Why me? A very big question mark. Trying to wrap your thoughts in this process of the unknowing is mind-blowing and at the same time showing no beginning signs of distress in clear view. Only the hearts that are affected and have the similarities will be able to beat the same rhythms, and can identify the emotional roller-coaster ride. The embarrassment of not being in a normal situation and often reminded through this journey of life. The feeling that begins to separate your ability to recognize it's not your burden—it doesn't matter to the heart tha(s hurting beyond the understanding of void. To utter these words time and time again: why me? Others can only see what you exhibit. What you allow them to see is the key. We begin to put on and wear the mask to cover up all thoughts and truth of reality. Our code of silence helps to keep the dirt under the carpet that no one wants to address. But in the meantime, you have no voice. It is like wearing a muzzle, and when going against the muzzle it hurts. You are stuck with so much adversity of trying to Stay safe without causing a riff. Some, if not all, would say, "What does this mean?" Well, let me tell you. You see, no one wants to deal with the shame or embarrassment of being a foundling, abandoned, adopted, or foster. To reveal or to be questioned about the act is a no-no. Either the one that provided the stable home environment or the one that committed the actual act that placed you in the process. Others would say, "You should be grateful because we did x, y, and z." You will hear "You didn't want for nothing." And that may be true. The other scenario could be "I had to do what was best for me. I had no choice in the matter." However, the story could be told as facts or not. The bottom line is we are in the middle of everyone's perception and decisions for our lives. And it benefits both sides at the same time. But psychologically, where does it benefits us in the process? Especially when we are mentally still growing and developing in our own natural bodies. At some point wanting to talk about the circumstances that occurred, but afraid to confront the issue—the unknown, doubt, rejection, and much more. And with thoughts of hurting all parties involved despite our needs for answer. We will keep silent in order to keep peace. Trying to have a mature conversation is not easy. Even when you've thought the plan out, when to say something. What I found, there is never a good time to visit or address the knowing versus not knowing. Just know that when you do make up your mind to move for- ward, it is a process that will take a while. Everyone's moment will be and is different. Again, we all have similarities, and our hearts will continue to beat in rhythm. From this day forward, we have a voice. All blessings to the Father.