Waking Up From the American Dream

PROLOGUE – On the Road to Find Out I left my happy home to see what I could find out. I left my folks and friends with the aim to clear my mind out. Well, I hit the rowdy road and many kinds I met there, and many stories told me of the way to get there…then I found my head one day when I wasn’t even trying … the answer lies within, so why not take a look now, kick out the devil’s sin, and pick up, pick up a good book now. —Cat Stevens And so it was. After nine months of bartending and three years of sporadic planning and false starts following my graduation from UC Berkeley in 1972, I was ready to leave America on a trip to discover a more utopian lifestyle in the South Pacific. I was hitting the “rowdy road to see what I could find out,” as Cat Stevens described it. I was uncertain of what I was going to find out, not sure how to take a look within, and skeptical of the “good book.” I boarded a flight at LAX destined for Papeete, Tahiti. A three-day odyssey with stops in Hawaii and American Samoa transpired before my arrival at Tahiti Faa airport. I was sleep deprived and anxious. It was a hot, brilliant day in tropical paradise, but I was distracted as I boarded a Pan Am crew shuttle bus to a five-star hotel. I wasn’t accustomed to the difference in prices between standard and top accommodations. I agreed to split the cost of a room with Jim, a recent U.S. medical school graduate I met in Samoa. He was doing me a favor, agreeing to share a room, since he had planned to stay alone on his celebratory world tour. ________________________________________________________________________________________________ Reflecting on the most joyful, pure experiences of my life, I realized they occurred when I “gave up” my small self-identity and became immersed momentarily in a larger self, willingly or unwillingly. I felt self-actualized and bliss-filled, at one with my surroundings and community. I didn’t plan it. I didn’t try. I realized it, accidentally, by admitting and gratefully acknowledging my life was unfolding perfectly, or by giving up. It’s there waiting for each of us. My local community at the time was a catalyst for my experience. The second morning on Ahe, where Michael, Verneita and I accidentally arrived on the Deliverance, was one occasion. I was unaware Levels 1 through 4 of Maslow’s hierarchy needs were satisfied, but the fact they were may have enabled the breakthrough that followed. I was safe, secure, and felt I belonged to a small family of sailors and the welcoming community of Ahe. Patrick explained he seldom heard a baby cry for more than a minute in the village of Ahe, because a nearby adult or teen would come to the child’s aid regardless of blood relationship. He recounted how villagers voluntarily supported him with shelter, food, and psychological support after he lost his sailboat on a nearby atoll. His wife and two sons were embraced by the community. Verneita had demonstrated the villagers’ non-attachment to material possessions as they gifted her items she admired when touring their homes. I felt warmth and acceptance from the community and the island itself as I walked toward a motu east of the village. I belonged. Standing alone in knee-deep water a half hour later, the trade winds rustled the palm fronds sparkling overhead in the early-morning sunshine. I felt spontaneous gratitude and uttered, out loud, “This is perfect.” A sense of profound joy filled my chest and time stopped. The air, water, palms, and sky shimmered. I stopped breathing. I didn’t need to breathe. Sheer joyful bliss, subtle and supremely powerful, expanded and threatened to explode my chest and body. I gasped and gripped myself, and the event, which Maslow describes as a peak experience, ended. I felt wonder, awe and absolute peace. I didn’t need anyone to tell me I was a celebrity or hold me in their esteem. I didn’t need anyone’s validation. The level of happiness was derived from a realization of my Self, actualized by nature’s inspiration, by my community, or all of the above. I awakened from my American Dream, momentarily. I didn’t need to be a celebrity, a GOAT, or a hero, and I didn’t need validation from anyone. I felt all-encompassing peace, love, wonder, and freedom. Henry David Thoreau’s insight resonated when I discovered it years later: “It's the beauty within us that makes it possible for us to recognize the beauty around us. The question is not what you look at but what you see.”