Sweet Tea

There might not be enough words to describe this feeling. I could list a list of verbs that could action the healing: Process. I’ve come to learn that life isn't a test. It’s more random than that—you get what you get. Some of us are born into a room full of love. When your eyes first open, you’re embraced And hugged. There’s a room full of people with hopes and aspirations for you, who cherish every moment they will get to watch you bloom. Forgive me if I'm unsteady. This next part is quite heavy. For others, the reception is less vivacious. There is no crowd waiting, there are no plans for this baby, no safe haven, No future arrangements, No support system. But yet, there is a “system.” And while I'm no victim, I'm not ashamed to say I was born in the latter. I was the forgotten child, and that’s something that sticks with you. You feel it in your core. I was the modern Oliver Twist begging for more. I was spiritually neglected, mentally infected by this situation they called abandonment. A situation that left me alone at times; A situation that forced me to make grown-up decisions before my time, And I'd ask why? Was there something in my past life that caused such karma in my current one? And although those around me were affected by the same situation, I still feel like the only one. I can elaborate if you’re ready. But again, I'm unsteady. Blank stare—that's the only emotion I could muster. Whenever a teacher would wonder why I didn't apply myself, When they would rave about my potential but became confused by my disengagement, I’d want to scream, “How can I learn how to draft a thesis When I don't even know where my next night’s sleep will be?” I'm unsteady. 5 shelters, 4 hotels, 3 placements, 2 social workers (who weren’t that social), and 1 heaven-sent foster mother later, I was tired of this feeling. I was fed up. I hit a ceiling. I was broken down, but not physically Kneeling, Searching for anything that could fill in this gap. Hoping for guidance, but receiving no map. Opening doors just to have them shut. Craving more but feeling stuck. Raising my hands, praying for luck that never showed up. Wanting to explore but too scared to jump. Needing more because it wasn’t enough. I WAS unsteady, but now I’m ready. Ready to achieve, ready to dream, ready to believe, ready to need— Need someone other than myself. Letting people in; letting them help. Building a bridge between what was And what could be. Exposing myself to endless possibilities. Connecting with people who understand this struggle. Gaining a mentor who believes in the good who speaks life into this soul when my days are blue. [VR2.1][VR2.2] I was once told I'd never be important, just a product of my parents’ poor choices, and if it was up to statistics, I would be Hopeless and sentenced to a life with no vision. But instead I choose this. I choose to use my adversity [VR3.1]as a testimony. Turn my trials into revelations, my strength into reassurance, I rise above and fly with no limits. No longer heavy, My burdens are lifted. My chains are broken. I’m ready. JUST IN TIME. I’m up, I’ve risen, I’m STEADY.