The Life We Didn’t Plan

The idea of writing this book came at a time when Dennis and I had already shared a life of more than 35 years filled with joy, sorrow, chronic disease, surgeries and numerous other medical treatments. By then, Dennis was very, very ill. He had been forced to take early retirement, his outcomes looked bleak and he seemed to be drowning in depression. Our mantra had always been “We can get through this one step at a time, by putting one foot in front of the other.” I suggested to him that if he could write about his journey, he could help those who were experiencing similar challenges. Our beloved transplant nephrologist, Dr. Uday Nori, agreed. Nevertheless, Dennis put off the work of writing for a very long time. Finally, with more prodding, he began the process, spending hours and days working in his study. After more than a year, he had accomplished a first complete draft. He then asked several friends to be his “readers.” He continued to work on changes but sadly, he died before the manuscript was finished to his satisfaction. After his death, some of his readers suggested that the story would be more complete if it included my viewpoint as reflected in my personal journals. I also asked our daughter Jean to contribute remembrances from her own journals. I soon came to realize how difficult it would be to tell our story. Compiling my thoughts while editing Dennis’ text was hard work. I wondered, sometimes if, for Jean and me, as survivors, it might be better to lay Dennis’ manuscript aside. Perhaps we could then move on with our lives without reliving the traumas of the past forty years. However, I also recognized the urgency of finishing his work, of telling the story in a way that might help others navigate through the storms of a medical catastrophe. I also felt that we owed a huge debt of thanks for the amazing sacrifices of Dennis’ organ donors, and the critical care Dennis received by some extremely skilled and caring doctors, surgeons, nurses, and other medical personnel. Where appropriate, these individuals are named out of gratitude and deep respect. Surprisingly, instead of being traumatized by writing and editing, I found the work to be therapeutic. For me, the process reinforced the importance of preserving our family voices for others to hear. I appreciate that some might read this for the medical details while others may have more interest in how Dennis came to resolve his battle against disease within the complexities of his spiritual journey. I cannot determine how the story should be read and by whom. But I am convinced that his story should be told. It’s how Dennis discovered his life’s purpose, by putting one foot in front of the other, one step at a time.