Turn of the Tide

Chapter 1 Going-Going Back-Back to The Bay Two Weeks Earlier Gia drove down a soaked freeway beneath the rapidly darkening sky. Her windshield wipers whipped back and forth, doing little for visibility on the road as the rain came down in sheets. Gia strained her eyes as she struggled to keep track of her lane, following the white painted lines instead of the seams in the road that would so often mislead her. Her headlights reflected off the wet ground with a gold and white glow, making visibility even worse as they blended with the red glow of the taillights that preceded them. She white-knuckled her steering wheel as the car began to slide on the road. She struggled to regain control quickly. Gia’s heart thudded in her chest as she squinted her eyes to see better. She merged to her right and slowed the car down, hoping that her pulse would slow as well. A rogue tear slipped down her cheek as she watched her speedometer slow, regaining more control of her vehicle. Gia wiped the tear with the back of her hand, willing the intrusive thoughts away. She heard muffled sounds looming in the back of her mind, threatening to come forward as a full traumatic memory. Gia took a deep, shaky breath. In her mind, the steady beep, beep, beep of hospital equipment echoed in the background. Her mother had died. Suddenly and unexpectedly. And recently, most of all. The wound was very fresh. The memory began to resurface against Gia’s will. By the time Gia had arrived at the hospital ICU, her mother was intubated with a ventilator that breathed for her. She remained unresponsive. The next week unfolded in what felt like a rip in the space-time-continuum. Everything moved fast, but so, so slowly. There wasn’t enough time each day for Gia to grieve and spend time with her mother, holding her hand and knowing that very soon it would be the last time she ever did. The days were long and slow, but as each day passed, Gia knew it was time she would never get back and suddenly they seemed to be whipping by. By the end of it all, time seemed to return Gia to the regular world, the one where people had been living their lives while she was trapped in a time warp. Everyone went on with their days as if nothing had happened, as if there wasn’t a gaping hole left in the world where her mother used to be. Everything was as it was, for everyone else. Not for Gia. Her grief suffocated her. She had never known such enormous pain. She took leave from work to process her loss but had considered quitting her job all together. She couldn’t imagine going back to “real life” anymore. She couldn’t quite figure out how she would function around all the people who had lived normally while her life was changed forever. In the last few days, Gia had the energy to drive around aimlessly, thinking about her mother and what the last moments of her life were like. She didn’t know what else to do with her time. Some days, Gia would drive out past Livermore. Some days, she drove as far as Sacramento before turning around and heading back to the San Francisco Bay Area. Gia took another shaky breath and managed to pull herself back to reality just in time for the exit that was approaching. She needed to get off the road. Between the sheets of rain on her windshield and the tears that blurred her vision, it was not safe for her to drive. She would gas up, take a few minutes to compose herself, and get back on the road again. Gia made her way to a Chevron gas station, glad to leave the rainy freeway in her rearview mirror even if just for a few minutes. She shut off her car and dropped her forehead to the steering wheel with a groan. Gia reached for her cell phone where it rested in the second cup holder beside her and pulled it into her lap. With her head against the wheel, she lowered her eyes to the screen to check the time: six-thirty p.m. God, it gets dark so early during the winter, she thought frustratedly. Gia glanced at her reflection in the sun visor mirror, examining her puffy eyes. She wiped what was left of her tears with the sleeve of her sweatshirt. With a deep breath, Gia threw her driver door open and stepped out of the car, stretching her back and legs before heading into the convenience store to pay cash for gas. The door pinged as Gia entered, alerting the cashier of her presence. Her eyes wandered around the store, pulling her toward the brightly colored candies and bags of chips that lined the aisles. Gia allowed herself to walk around the store rather than going straight to the cashier to pay and leave. She needed a moment to breathe before getting back on the road. The gas station had a small section of alcohol toward the back that Gia found herself paused in front of. She chewed her lip, eyeing a bottle of red wine. She looked around before ultimately deciding that, yes, she needed it. She’d drink it when she got home. Gia carried her bottle of gas station wine to the register, snagging a bag of peanut M&M’s as a last minute addition, and plopped her haul onto the counter before the cashier. He scanned the items slowly, unhurried, and looked up at her with a glazed expression that told her he was either high or sleep deprived. “Fifteen-twelve,” he grumbled. “Can I get thirty bucks on pump seven as well?” Gia asked, mirroring his infectious enthusiasm, or lack thereof, as she was exhausted and grief stricken herself.